


Snake Bite

by Arwriter



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, everyone is sympathetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:09:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27598022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwriter/pseuds/Arwriter
Summary: Janus hadn’t meant to lash out. He’d just felt too much like a cornered animal, and now they all had an excuse to cast him out as the villain once again.
Comments: 24
Kudos: 245





	Snake Bite

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an ask that was sent to me on Tumblr  
>  I had a lot of fun with this prompt! You can find me @eliemo

At this point, Janus wasn’t even sure what was being said anymore. 

He knew everyone was yelling over each other, and he knew the anger and insults were all directed at _him_ , but right now he didn’t think he could focus on the words even if he wanted to. 

And he supposed, if it weren’t for the weight on his chest and the pressure building behind his eyes, his sudden lack of awareness would be a blessing. 

He just wanted to go to _bed_. It had been a bad week, one inconvenience piling up after another, and he was certain if he didn’t get out of this room right now he was going to snap and say something he would regret. 

But Roman was still ranting, arms waving as he paced Thomas’s living room, and Janus knew leaving now would only make things worse. He’d let the Prince get it all out of his system, smile like it didn’t matter, and sink out until everyone calmed down. 

He understood why Roman was angry, and perhaps some of it was well deserved, but the tirade of shouting seemed entirely unnecessary. 

Sure, _maybe_ Janus shouldn’t have disguised himself as Roman after Thomas had summoned his sides for help, especially since he’d begrudgingly agreed not to shapeshift since his name reveal, but today there hadn’t been a _choice_. 

No one would have listened if he’d come as himself. Everyone was still wary around him, and they all seemed extra suspicious around him this week. He knew it was because he’d been a little short with all of them lately, but it wasn’t _his_ fault he hadn’t been able to get a full night's sleep in weeks. 

He’d been waking up every morning even more tired than he’d been when he’d gone to bed, limbs aching and heavy, and by the time he found the strength to force himself out of bed everyone had already been finished with breakfast, which ruled out any chance of friendly conversation or “bonding” as Patton so lovingly called it. 

Not that he cared. He had absolutely no intention of sitting down for their little family meals, no matter what the nagging voice in the back of his head said. 

Besides, he wouldn’t have been wanted anyway. Every time he so much as breathed Virgil would act like he’d just tried to set the house on fire, and Roman didn’t even try to hide his glares. 

Logan just seemed uneasy, and Patton’s attempts to be friendly were so glaringly _obvious_ and _fake_. 

When Remus made his appearances, at least everything was honest and out in the open. Nothing could offend Remus, and besides filling Thomas’s head with less than ideal thoughts at night he didn’t really mean any harm. 

Things were different with Janus, and he knew they always would be. 

So, it wasn’t completely unreasonable that Janus was beyond tired and frustrated, and he knew Thomas was too thanks to his demanding schedule. 

He needed a break, and Janus was determined to get him to see that. If he called off a few meetings, they could easily have the rest of the week off to recharge and Janus could figure out how to pull himself together. 

But Thomas would never agree to a break unless his anxiety allowed it. And it didn’t matter if Janus was correct, Virgil would be caught dead before agreeing with one of Deceit's suggestions. 

Virgil and Roman seemed to bond over their mutual hatred of him, so in a last ditch effort, Janus had disguised himself as the Prince and risen up with the others. 

He hadn't meant any harm, and it had been going so _well_. Roman was distracted somewhere in the Imagination, and once he’d gotten Logan to see the logic in taking a few days off Virgil had almost immediately jumped on board. 

And then of course Roman had returned just as they were wrapping up, the living room falling into silence as the two Princes stared each other down, and everything erupted into chaos. 

Janus revealed himself, despite everyone already knowing what he’d done. He’d heard Roman shout a few things like _“Villain!”_ and _“Lying fiend”_ and the surprisingly hurtful _“Why did we even give him a chance?”_ before he promptly lost the ability to make sense of anything happening around him. 

He tilted his head up to stare at the ceiling to avoid having to see everyone’s stares (not to stop himself from crying, because he was not about to _cry_. He was used to being villainized, he didn’t _care_ ), and waited for someone to call Roman off. 

But no one did, and suddenly Roman was right in front of him, jabbing a finger in his face, and Janus couldn’t catch his breath.

“You’re not even listening!” Roman shouted. “He’s not listening! What else have you been doing behind our backs you snake-faced lia--” 

Janus didn’t even realize he was moving until his fangs were suddenly in Roman’s hand, fingers wrapped tight around Roman’s wrist, and he felt the Prince go completely still as Janus’s teeth sank into his skin. 

It all happened so fast, Janus’s mind a frantic, racing blur as he pulled away, feeling horribly like a cornered, wild animal. 

He had exactly two seconds to process what he’d done and collect his scrambled thoughts in the sudden, deafening silence before Roman seemed to realize what had just happened. 

“He _bit_ me!” 

Patton was taking a step forward, and Janus backed away until he was pressed against the wall, wincing when he realized he could faintly taste something coppery in his mouth. 

“Kiddo, try and relax,” Patton said, a hand on the Prince’s shoulder. “I’m sure it was just--” 

“What, an _accident?”_ Roman demanded. “Patton, he _bit_ me! Like- like some kind of snake-faced _demon!_ Pat, I’m bleeding!” 

He was _barely_ bleeding, the bite nothing more than two little pinpricks, and if Janus could find his voice he would have pointed out that Roman was behaving like an overactive toddler. 

But he couldn’t. Because he’d been trying so _hard_ to make progress with the others, to be seen as anything other than a lying villain, and one bad day had just undone all of that, completely erasing any chance he might have had. 

Because as small as it was, he’d just _hurt_ Roman. In front of everyone. In front of _Thomas_. 

He watched as Logan took the initiative, hurrying to Thomas’s side and guiding him over to the couch. 

The host looked pale and panicked, which meant that all the commotion was probably making Virgil—

_Virgil._ Janus couldn’t even bring himself to look at the stairs, painfully aware he’d just see horror and disgust...and maybe a bit of satisfaction. The anxious side _had_ probably been looking for an excuse to send Janus away. 

“I’m going to _die!”_

Janus was pulled out of his spiraling thoughts by a very loud, very distraught Roman who was diligently ignoring Patton’s frantic attempts to calm him down. 

“I find that highly unlikely,” Logan spoke up. “While the reaction was completely unnecessary, the likelihood of Janus being venomous is--” 

“Was this your plan all along?” Roman yelled, and suddenly his sword was in his uninjured hand. “To wait until our guards were down and then _poison_ us?” 

Janus felt numb. “I did not _poison_ you--” 

“How can I believe anything you say? You were just masquerading around pretending to be me trying to _ruin_ Thomas’s career!” 

“I’m not trying to ruin anything!” Janus couldn’t keep himself from snapping back, feeling abruptly trapped and suffocated. He needed to get out. “I’m doing my _job_. I’m trying to _help_. Thomas needs a break- we _all_ need a break!”

“You don’t _help_ Thomas,” Roman snarled, letting Patton pry the sword out of his grip, his bleeding hand held against his chest. “All you do is bring him down! All you do is try to hurt him!” 

“Funny,” Janus snapped, well aware of how much power his next words held. “I remember you saying the exact same thing to--”

Patton was suddenly beside him, resting a gentle hand on Janus’s arm, and Deceit felt like he’d been electrocuted. “Kiddo--” 

“Don’t _touch me!”_

Janus yanked his arm away, frantically scrambling away from the wall and nearly colliding right into the television. The room was silent again, but that hardly mattered as he realized with growing dread that he couldn’t _breathe_. 

The room was going blurry, his vision hazy and distorted, and it took him a moment to understand it was because his eyes were flooding with unshed tears. 

“Janus?” 

He was sinking out before he could even try to identify the voice, rising back up in his room with a strangled gasp. 

It felt like his chest was being _crushed_ , everything too loud and too much even in the solitude of his room. 

He threw his hat across the room, yanking off his gloves with trembling hands and letting them fall to the floor, grimacing at the glittering scales along his left arm.

He _hated_ them. He hated every part of himself that made him different, everything that proved he was just a villain. Virgil could be accepted as one of them but Janus had no right to...to…

Janus was on the ground, his legs no longer able to support him, landing hard on his knees. He didn’t bother to fight against the sobs tearing at his throat. There was no need to hide, locked away in the seclusion of his room. 

He ended up hunched over himself, wrenching sobs tearing their way out of him, his hands moving against his will to tug at his hair, scratch at his scales, pound at the floor- anything to try to unsuccessfully ground himself. 

Anger and sorrow were waging a bloody war in his heart- anger at the others for being so cruel, anger at himself for allowing himself to lose control and _hurt_ one of them. 

Sorrow because...because he knew it was over now. There was no way to undo this kind of damage. He’d tried- tried to be one of them- and he’d failed. Miserably. Really, he never should have expected anything else but...well, lying to himself was a bit of an unbreakable habit. 

They didn’t want him here. And Roman was right, he _didn’t_ help Thomas. 

When had Thomas actually listened to him? Just _once_ after the wedding? They would have come to a conclusion without him once Patton calmed down a bit. 

They didn’t want him and they didn’t need him. Nobody wanted a two-faced, monstrous villain. He’d tried, he’d tried so _hard_ , but…

Virgil had tried to duck out once. He’d been lost afraid and alone, but…

But he’d been needed. He’d been _wanted_. 

If Janus sunk out it would be different. But maybe...maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Thomas would be an honest person without Janus and...wasn’t that what they all wanted?

He buried his head in his sleeves in an attempt to muffle his cries, the sobbing becoming loud and uncontrollable, and if he had a little more control he might have laughed at the irony of it all. 

Crying over being the bad guy. God, he was so selfish. 

He was just barely able to hear the knock on his door in between ragged, hiccuping gasps, but the sound made panic burrow further into his chest, squeezing until he saw spots. 

_“Go away!”_ He screamed, voice hoarse and broken. “I don’t- I’m... _fuck!_ Just _leave!”_

It didn’t matter. It didn’t _matter_. It didn’t matter if he screamed or yelled or hurt anyone, it didn’t matter if someone heard him breaking down. It _wouldn’t_ matter if he just got a hold of himself and ducked out for good. The sooner they could all forget about him, the better. 

But the door to his room was opening (he’d forgotten to lock it, stupid, stupid, _stupid_ ), and he quickly curled further in on himself, nails digging into his scalp. 

“Jesus _Christ_ , Jan.” 

Janus shook his head at the sound of footsteps hurrying closer, flinching when someone grabbed at his wrists. 

He tried to tell them to stop, to go away and leave him _alone_ , but he couldn’t get the words out. Every frantic breath was more shallow than the last, and it felt like there was something beating at his chest. 

“Stop fighting me, dumbass,” the voice said, and the shock at realizing it was Virgil was enough to clear his head for a split second. “Come on, look at me. Take a breath and look at me.” 

Slowly, as Virgil pried Janus’s trembling hands away from his face, he carefully lifted his head to meet the anxious side’s gaze. It might have been his imagination, but he thought Virgil’s eyeshadow might be a shade darker than usual. 

“Hey,” Virgil said with a small smile that didn’t match the distress in his eyes. “I need you to just focus on my voice right now. You’re having a panic attack.” 

Janus shook his head, dropping his gaze to the floor until Virgil squeezed his wrists slightly, prompting him to glance back up. 

“I think I know what a panic attack looks like,” Virgil said, once again with that small, unsure smile. Janus thought this might be the first time in months Virgil hadn’t glared at him. “I’m gonna help you. I’m right here, ok?” 

It was all backwards- Virgil shouldn’t be the one crouched on the floor talking a side down from a panic attack, he shouldn’t be forced to be anywhere near Janus who clearly made him so uncomfortable. 

All he was doing right now was hurting Virgil, hurting _everyone_ , and this wouldn’t be happening if he just wasn’t _here--_

“Hey, hey hey.” Virgil was suddenly readjusting his grip to take Janus’s hands, bringing them to his own chest. “You’re ok, you’re fine. I want you to copy my breathing now, can you do that?” 

“I- I can--” 

“You can do it,” Virgil said. “You used to help me do it all the time, remember? In for four, hold for seven, out for eight, right?” 

Janus swallowed and nodded, squeezing Virgil’s hands despite himself. 

Virgil smiled back at him, and slowly began to count out the breaths, gently encouraging Janus each time he made it through a count, quickly reassuring him when he didn’t. 

He sounded a bit like a mixture of all the light sides, and Janus briefly wondered how many panic attacks his new family had helped him through.

It felt like hours, but gradually Janus was able to begin to breathe on his own, his whole body still shaky and weak. 

He took one last deep breath, and Virgil released his hands when he exhaled. Janus tried to ignore the pang in his chest at the loss of contact. 

“You ok?” 

Janus nodded, running an unsteady hand through sweat soaked hair, steeling himself enough to lie. “I...I’m fine. You can go now.” 

Virgil scoffed. “Yeah, not happening. You’re gonna get cleaned up and calm down, and I’m going to sit here in case you need help. And then you’re going to let Roman apologize before he does something stupid and self destructive--” 

“I don’t _need_ an apology,” he snapped, and it would have been much more threatening if his voice wasn’t still shaking. “And I don’t want to watch you all force him to apologize for something he isn’t even sorry about.” 

Virgil was watching him curiously as Janus attempted to get his half asleep, aching legs out from under him, furiously wiping at his soaked face with his sleeves. 

He needed Virgil to _leave_ and stop pretending to _pity him._

“Why are you even here?” He’d meant it to come out as a snarl, but it turned into nothing more than a quiet, tired question. Virgil tugged at his hoodie sleeves, silent for a moment. 

“You were having a panic attack.” 

“Oh right, and you _definitely_ care about that,” Janus said, finally pushing himself off the ground, grabbing his bed frame for support. “All of you made that _perfectly_ clear today.” 

Virgil moved to stand, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders hunched. “I know, I’m sorry. We... _I_ should have stepped in. Roman was pissed and he gets carried away sometimes. I was serious about him wanting to apologize.”

Janus cleared his throat and ran his tongue along his teeth, wincing at the reminder of what he’d done. He glanced back at Virgil, at the sudden lack of contempt or distrust in his eyes. 

“I would have thought you would be thrilled,” he said truthfully. “Today is the _perfect_ excuse to finally get rid of me.” 

And Virgil actually looked...guilty. The anxious side had never been one for eye contact, but now he was definitely doing all he could to look anywhere but Janus. 

“You lashed out because we all ganged up on you after a long week,” he said. “I’d...kinda be a hypocrite if I held that against you.” 

“I _disguised_ myself. I said I wouldn’t do that anymore.” 

“You did,” he agreed. “Because we made you feel like you wouldn’t be listened to if you didn’t, and I...I feel like that’s my fault. Jesus, you just wanted Thomas to take a _break_. So...yeah. I’m sorry I’ve been a jackass lately.”

“I…” he paused, clenching his jaw against the new wave of tears that threatened to spill over. “Virgil, I...I bit Roman.” 

And Virgil actually smirked, like it was _funny_. “Yeah, and I know a panic response when I see one. Roman feels bad, Janus. We all do.” 

Janus froze, wondering briefly if Virgil had just suddenly gotten better at lying since the last time they spoke. But his eyes were genuine, hopeful, and Janus found himself wanting so badly to drop his defenses and believe him. 

“Look,” Virgil continued. “I don’t...completely trust you yet. But I know you want what's best for Thomas, even when we disagree. You’re a part of him and...and I know how it feels. To not be sure if you’re wanted. But...but you are.” 

“Virgil--” 

“So here’s what we’re gonna do,” Virgil said. “You’re gonna clean up, and when you’re ready Roman is going to set aside his pride and apologize, Patton is going to smother you for a few hours, and Logan is going to ask you a bunch of invasive questions about your teeth because he’s a nerd. I can tell him to back off if you want me to.” 

Janus let himself smile, small as it was, and he watched as Virgil took another step closer, the anxious side finally looking Janus in the eyes. 

“And then Thomas is going to take a break,” he continued. “And you are never _ever_ going to consider ducking out again.” 

Janus paled, cold panic returning with a vengeance. “Oh, _please_. You know I would never--” 

“Don’t lie to me,” Virgil said, voice low, and Janus fell silent. “I’ve been there, Janus. I know the look, and I know what it takes to push someone over the edge. You can’t fool me.” 

Janus sighed, running a hand over his face. He was speaking before he could talk himself out of it. “You did it.” 

“I tried to,” Virgil agreed. “I was wrong. Thomas needs me, and he needs you too. Nobody...No one hates you, Janus. I’m sorry things got this bad.”

Janus just shrugged, pushing back the emotions he wasn’t quite ready to feel, let alone share aloud. But it was...nice, he realized, not being given the cold shoulder anymore. 

He hoped it lasted. He missed Virgil more than he was willing to admit. He...wished he was closer to all of them. 

“I’m not upset,” Janus said, even as he wiped at watery eyes. “It’s just...been a long couple of days.” 

It had been a _lot_ more than just a long couple of days, but he figured Virgil knew that. The anxious side smiled sadly. “Well then it’s a good thing you convinced Thomas to take a break.” 

“I just hope it helps.” 

“Me too,” Virgil said. “Now go wash your face- you look awful. I can hang out here until you’re ready to see the others. Unless you, like, want me to leave. I can leave you alone.” 

Janus smirked, finally starting to feel like himself as he straightened his cape and made his way towards the bathroom. 

“I’d _really_ hate it if you stayed,” he called over his shoulder. “You know I absolutely loathe your company, Virgil.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” 

Janus let himself break into a full smile for the first time all day, closing the door behind him as he heard Virgil flop onto the bed. 


End file.
